Last time I posted on this blog it was April 2010, and we were still being governed by Gordon Brown and his bunch of great guys. I think they were called the Happiness Party and they were definitely all really cool and had long hair and played in bands, and we all wanted to sleep with them. It was brilliant - the economy was flourishing, houses were affordable and the best-selling topless photo calendar for five years running was the Ed Balls one... but it wasn't to last. On May 6th, we had a general election, and a mere two months later a new Government was formed out of some old bicycle parts, a haunted filing cabinet and a dash of evil. And then the Queen and John Bercow brought it to life with some jump leads during a thunderstorm. [Can someone fact-check this entire paragraph please?]
 |
| Approximately three lifetimes ago |
Anyway, whatever happened, we're in a right bloody state now. There's another general election in nine, ten months or thereabouts - yesterday's cabinet reshuffle brought that thrilling fact into sharp focus - and if we're going to vote (hahaha, "if"), we need ill-informed celebrity help now less than ever. But let's ask for it anyway.
If you see any famous humans offering their opinions on the welfare state, the crumbling NHS, or what we should do about Farage, give me a shout. Incidentally, Farage himself technically still counts as a politician, not a celeb, and is therefore barred. No opinions from him, please - anyway, I'm sure the BBC will inform us every time he idly flaps open his gaping maw to dribble out another trickle of warm, soupy racism.
(An aside: I've just been sifting through my old posts - wow, can you believe there was a time when I had to explain to my readers who Ed Miliband was? Ha ha ha... sorry, what? I said Ed Miliband. He's the leader of the opposition now. No, not that one - the other one. ED MILIBAND. Oh good grief.)
So, right, LET'S GET THIS THING (re-)STARTED. Let's TEAR DOWN THIS SHITTY SYSTEM, ONE BLOG POST AT A TIME. Does anyone need to go to the toilet before we set off? Where are my keys?
